Random Acts of Trivia

23 Across: 6 Letter Word for Inane

Forget What Nancy Reagan Said

My father called me at work today to ask me something.

Dad: I have a professional question to ask you.
Me: Okay. What is it?
Dad: I'm having a colonoscopy done tomorrow. You ever have people come in and not take the drugs?
Me: Uh... yeah, but they're more man than I am if they make it through the procedure.
Dad: I just hate that you're down all day from the drugs after it's done. I don't want to waste a Friday.
Me: Yeah, well. When someone comes in and says they don't want drugs we still give them an I.V. in case they change their minds.
Dad: Really?
Me: I'd take the drugs. I mean, I wouldn't want to feel 5 feet of tubing getting shoved up my ass.
Dad: Maybe you're right. I'll let you get back to work.
Me: Later.

Couple of hours later I sent him the following picture.

 

His reply was simply, "ouch." I called him back and reminded him he's retired and what else was he going to do on a Friday. Hell, a Tuesday is like a Friday to him. The point being is you don't really want to be awake when someone shoves 5 feet of tubing up your ass and then proceeds to blow air and water through it.Take the drugs, they're free.

Damn You Motion Picture Academy! Stop Making Me Care!

Robert Downey Jr. is nominated for Best Supporting Actor for Tropic Thunder!

Of course he's going to lose to Heath Ledger, but that's frackin' awesome!

"I'm a dude playing a dude disgused as another dude!"

More

But then you snub The Dark Knight. What's up with that one Academy? Christopher Nolan deserves some praise for his direction. How can you give Scorsese and The Departed statues but not Batman? Is it the cape? Clearly not because there's Heath Ledger's name. Does Ron Howard really deserve a nod for directing what amounts to a two hour conversation when Christopher Nolan is directing huge action scenes around strong character moments? And he was right on budget and time! Are you so afraid of Sci-Fi that you can only allow The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons any kind of respect? Oh, but there's a Holocost movie and of course we have to include it.

You want to see the record for nominations held by Titanic and All About Eve (14) broken? Write and film a movie about a dimwitted (read: not fully retarded) Jew escaping a concentration camp and meeting up with Churchill and later Einstein and the Beatles. Boom! 14 nominations and little gold men are yours!

There's Gotta Be a Story

No idea how we got on the topic of bad tattoos at work, but the discussion led to a google search of "worst tattoos" and we found one that blew me away. All I could think about was what was the story behind it? Here's my idea of what two of them might be.

Story A

I'll tell you about the first time I had sex. It was the summer of my senior year in high school. The July heat forced me and my friends to seek shelter at the mall. We'd kill time in the arcade. We'd watch little kids fall on their ass on the ice rink. We'd five finger cds from Sam Goody. Mostly we'd stuff our faces at the food court. That's where I first saw her. Her name was Mary Runningwater. She was a Cherokee cutie. Dark hair and red skin. She worked at the Hot Dog on a Stick. The way she'd make lemonade in that little rainbow colored outfit really did it for me. She used to smile at me as stumbled through my order of two corn dogs and a large lemonade. Lost in her eyes.

I finally worked up the nerve to ask Mary out that summer. We hit it off. She was funny and like the same music and movies that I did. I could quote a movie line and she'd finish it. Love had entered my life for the first time.

One Tuesday afternoon Mary had a 15 minute lunch break. She took my hand and guided me through the mall. Past the Florsheim Shoes, the Toys By Roy and the Auntie Anne's Pretzels and into the Waldenbooks. She led me to the back of the store to the spiritual section. There she took off her uniform top and undid her bra. He tits were magnificent and I couldn't believe how luck I was. She undid my pants and took me in a warm embrace. The thought of some customer looking for a book on tarrot cards or mythologial creatures only heightened the experience. She guided my johnson into her and the world exploded around us.

That was it. My first time. I miss Mary Runningwater, but in a way she'll always be with me.

Story B

I got wicked drunk one weekend in Takoma. My bros and I decided to get some ink and it was either the chick doin' a corn dog or a faggy unicorn with rainbows shootin' outta it's ass. Total no brainer.

January 20th, 2009

Whew.

Andia's Day

Happy birthday to the woman I love.

Give Us Respect

Run-D.M.C. |MTV Music

Run-D.M.C. |MTV Music

Cold Opening

It's snowing outside. That's an indication of how cold it is.

Monday we received a notice form the apartment manager stating the power would be turned off for six hours on the 14th. I remember thinking that'll be when I'm at work and everything will be Kool and the Gang. Wrong. In fact it was anything but a 70s funk supergroup. Andia and I woke up about 3am to a freezing bedroom. She gave me a nudge and said the electricity was out. I mumbled something about the notice and tried to go back to sleep. Andia couldn't sleep because without the sound of the ceiling fan circulating air or the heat going every little noise could be heard.

My alarm went off at 6 and we still didn't have power. The bedsheets felt like ice and I couldn't get closer to Andia without causing her harm. I decided to stay in bed near my warm wife for as long as possible. Elvis finally braved the outside of the sheets and comforter. I got up and followed him into the living room. I fed Elvis by candlelight and thanked myself for taking a shower last night. I glanced at the thermostat on my way to the bathroom. 48° in the apartment. Seriously?! They couldn't do their repairs in the middle of the day when no one was home? They had to wait until the dead of night on the coldest day of the year? I thought about calling in to work, but I knew there'd be coffee and warmth at the office.

"It must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays."

R.I.P. The Mexican Pimp

When I was 5 years-old I wanted to be Ricardo Montalban. Well, I wanted to be Mr. Roarke from Fantasy Island. The tropical island home, the white three piece suit and constantly welcoming guests with fruity drinks. "De plane!" The dude was pimp and I loved the show. I used to go around talking with his spanish accent and telling my parents, "your fantasy is too dangerous, I can't permit you to have it." It also facinated me how stars of other shows would pop up on the island. I was 5, guest spots were a novelty. The plane would land, the girls would start to dance in their grass skirts and there would be Montalban, Tattoo at his side, reminding everyone to smile for the guests. Then Bill Bixby, Don Knotts or Robert Goulet would step out of the plan and into Mr. Roake's office to discuss what they wanted most in life. I wanted that job! Montalbam was cool. He's what Gerardo would describe as rico suave.

Then, in 1982, Montalban exploded onto the summer big screens with Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan. Holy shit! Now the dude still has that fantastic accent AND a starship AND he's going to kill Captain Kirk! (note to geeks, yes Kirk was an Admiral in ST:WoK, but he was always a Captain to me.) Montalban got off some of the greatest lines of dialog ever in that flick. From quoting Moby Dick as he arms the doomsday device (geeks: Genesis Device) to the instant classic, "Ah, Kirk, my old friend, do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold in space!"

It had been a few years since I had seen Ricardo Montalban in anything (probably since The Naked Gun) when he showed up as the villian on Freakazoid! Once again the dude was awesome.

Roll the clip.

Today I'm sad to learn of Montalban's passing, but hopefully he's being welcomed with beautiful women and fruity drinks. May his fantasies be fullfilled, may his seats always be made of fine Corinthian leather and may Kirk always bellow, "Khaaan!!"

Design Advice

Okay, so we have the dining room put together.

The problem is Indy. As incredible as he is in all of his statue glory, that's not where I imagined him ending up. I had artwork picked out to adorn that wall. My original idea was this:

Imagine the pictures in frames and no Indy. That's what I had planned. Then the statue showed up and just kind of fell into that spot. I think it breaks up the pictures. We both love the statue there and really can't think of another place in the apartment to put it. So, I started looking for alternative artwork that went with Indy. Here's where I need advice. Tell me what you guys think.

So, whaddya think?